Good Enough – ???

Have you ever come to a crossroads in a relationship and realized you could have done better? I think most everyone has. I have a long history of complicated relationships, starting with my alcoholic father and continuing through to my children. I find myself pondering whether I was a good enough parent.

My oldest son leaves for Army boot camp next week. We’ve had a really bumpy road for the past two years. Our household has always been tumultuous (courtesy of dramatic Italian men!), but his senior year in high school was especially grueling. And the past year has been an emotional pit that I just can’t climb out of.

To an extent, I’ve been in his shoes. I couldn’t wait to get away from home when I was 18. I chose more wisely (in my opinion!) and enlisted in the Air Force. For me there was no other option than to succeed. I had a couple of “moments,” but I was never in any danger of not completing basic training. From there it was a relatively easy ride: do what you’re told, when you’re told, and how you’re told and you’ll do well. I was able to grow up, make mistakes, and clean up my own messes. I learned that I was a strong and capable person. I hope my son discovers an equally meaningful aspect of himself.

I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on the good, the bad, and the ugly aspects of my relationship with my son. Regardless of what I see, it is bittersweet and my heart breaks. I honestly believe I did the best I could at the time; time and age bring wisdom and insight (also known as hindsight). I am sure that we laid a solid foundation for him, but I still ponder whether I could have done better. I keep coming up with, “Of course you could have!” Then I come back full-circle and realize that hindsight really is 20/20 vision. If only I had known then what I know now....

I don’t think I’m unlike most mothers when I worry about his well-being, his choices, and his emotional state. I admit, I have spoken endlessly to him attempting to guide his choices for long-term success. Unfortunately, I spoke so much, he tuned me out! God’s lesson here is for me to keep quiet and let the boy grow up and make his own choices. I’m trying to listen to that lesson, but it is NOT an easy one!

Regardless of the past, I’ll look to the future and see my son off. I’ll pray the Army gives him what he’s looking for and helps him become the man he wants to be. I’ll also pray that “good enough” was, indeed, good enough.


"I’ll love you forever,
I’ll love you for always,
As long as I’m living,
My baby you’ll be."

Good luck, Nico. I love you! ~ Mom